by Stefanie Hutcheson
On Friday, I decided to leave my job at the magazine I was working at. I didn't go in that morning with the intention of being unemployed by the end of the day; it just sadly turned out that way. No harsh words were spoken; neither me nor my employer wanted me to go. It tore my heart out and I saw another one of my many dreams dashed by forces that were beyond my control and--of course--as I drove home, I was fighting the tears and the bitterness that threatened to take me down.
Four months I spent there. Four months of trying my best to make the best out of an opportunity that I should have thought more about rather than jumping in with both feet into a pool of dreams when everyone who knows me knows I can't even swim. I was able to tread water but eventually...
I didn't sink. I was overwhelmed with the things that could happen. My mind was always working on thoughts of how I could make sales, how I could get stories and spreads, and how I could best be a team-player. That old feeling of letting my job control me, CONSUME me, was reminding me that this was not the way it was supposed to be. Hadn't I already learned this lesson from my years as a teacher? Hadn't I placed my family on the back burner too many years? Did I really want to eat, dream, and sleep this job?
I found this quote last night and found it applicable to me at this stage of my life. I hope you will like it too.
“To be nobody but
yourself in a world
which is doing its best day and night to make you like
everybody else means to fight the hardest battle
which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”
― E.E. Cummings
It's not that I think I am better than another but...I was made to be different. God made me specially. He created me as a unique individual: one who has her own standards to uphold, one who has her own dreams to fulfill, and one who has her own crosses to bear along the way. I have never fit in to the cookie-cutter mold and have always let my expectations and my dreams soar above those that were set before me. Oh sure: I didn't last long at many jobs because of this. It's hard to build up tenure and longevity when one doesn't go along with the crowd. A rebel? No, I don't consider myself to be that. Not quite a free spirit either. I guess, to sum it all up, I'm just me. Just Stef. A wanderer who is still searching, still seeking, still adrift in a world that wants things from me that I am unwilling to part with.
Stefanie Hutcheson is a Writer, Contributor for BOLDJournal, and the Creator of Wandering Through The Bible. Catch the latest updates from Wandering Through The Bible on Facebook Here.