Loving Your Spouse is More Than Just Feelings

by: Paul Horne

Have you ever really stopped to think about it? To truly love your spouse involves more than just your feelings. It is hard to fathom because feelings are what got us to be together in the first place. And whether we realize it or not they were selfish at the time. Yeah I just said that.

I mean think about it. You got together with your husband/wife because of how they made you feel. You felt loved, cared for, important, like you were the center of the universe.

But what do you do when those feelings wear thin? Maybe for some of you out there you have never experienced this. Praise God for it! However, for the rest of us who aren’t so blessed how do we love our spouse beyond the ways we feel. There maybe days where deep down you know you love your spouse just don’t really like them at the moment. Is that unbiblical? To be completely honest I’m not sure. I know to hate someone in my heart equates to murder (Matt 5:21-22), but to dislike someone for a short period of time? I really don’t know.

On to what I do know is there is mutual act of submission which must take place in the relationship in order for it to work in God’s economy. Ephesians 5:22-33 gives us the best example of how husbands and wives should interact with one another. This is not an easy section of Scripture to surrender ourselves to for many reasons. Most of all in our society submission is misunderstood, and the way it is used in this NT letter challenges everything we know about it.

For the Husbands
I want to speak particularly to men since I am a man. We are specifically told we are to love our wives as Christ has loved the church. You may be asking what does it look like? Paul answers this question like he knew it was going to come. Paul says, Christ gave himself up for her, sanctifying her, washing her with water ,with the word(being the word of God). He also says we are to love them as we love our own bodies, because as we love our wives we love ourselves.

So you may still be wondering what do I do? Lets’ put some feet to this shall we. When you have the opportunity to do something nice for your wife even thought it may cost you your last bit of money, you were saving for yourself. You use it on her instead. You are praying for her continually. You are helping her grow in grace, by helping her understand the Word. You are putting her first in all things (outside of Christ of course). She comes before your parents, your children, or anyone else in your life.

When you have a disagreement you are the first to apologize even if you think she is the one who is wrong. You cover her with grace and mercy. Why because you are of one flesh. You would give yourself a pass in certain situations, she deserves the same. The same way you want to be taken care of she should be looked after, because she is a part of you.

It is easy in our fallen nature to forget these things or worse for us to willingly neglect these things. As Christian men we have to be intentional about the things we do with and for our wives. Just like everything else in the Christian life we cannot sit back and expect it to magically happen. It requires work, and sometimes lots of it. But it is all worth it.

“As Christian men we have to be intentional about the way we love our wives.“

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For the Wives
Since I have covered the men, I’d like to speak briefly to the women. These are not easy verses for a man to hear. And he is going to screw up from time to time. Please offer him the same grace you would want. While there are not many things Paul asks you to do as women in this section the two things he does ask are a pretty big deal. He asks you submit to your husband in everything, and that you respect him.

These are not easy tasks in your fallen state either. IF your husband is a Christian (which I hope he is) then he should be seeking God on how to lead your family. And as he does this, your submission to him equates obedience to God, and ultimately submission to Him.

Now respect is a hard thing to nail down. It shows itself in many different forms. It can be simple as not arguing with him about every decision he makes (which also falls under submission). Then there is not talking badly about him to others, especially those closest to you both. Being supportive in his endeavors, allowing him to have some times alone or with friends (as long as he has spent some quality time with you of course), not nagging about things. The list could go on.

Conclusion
Allow the Holy Spirit to work in your heart to help you know how to love your spouse despite your circumstances and station in life, because they can always change. You when both are busy seeking God for your lives and each other things will look differently than when all you had was feelings and emotions to guide you and those are the times you will cherish. Of course those feelings and emotions are still important but following God’s lead will make all the difference on those days you may just not like the other person. Choose to see them how God see’s them, and watch those feelings change.

Question: How do you find ways to love your spouse even when you don’t feel like it?

Read more by Paul Horne and subscribe to his blog here: http://pmhorne.com/

How I Stopped Running Away From God's Calling

by: Paul Horne

I have to admit that I can be rather obsessive about numbers. Like how many followers I have on Twitter, or how many page views did the blog have today. That is not necessarily a good thing, because when I allow those things to rule my life it becomes a god thing. I personally do not want any other gods in my life other than my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Isn’t it easy though to allow functional saviors to enter lives? I know for me it can be, I cannot speak for anyone else. One thing I do know is that it can be destructive to our lives, because they can become all consuming. Where do you run if you are not running to the Lord? My guess is you are running to your functional savior, whether that is drinking, smoking (of either sort), writing, or even family. Yes I said it family can become a functional savior in our lives that will keep us from turning to God when we need to the most. 

     It is easy to try and discount that we are not running away from God, when in reality we are. You know I can think of one story in the Bible in particular when someone should have done what God wanted to do but instead he ran away. Can you think of who I am speaking about…? Times up! I am speaking about Jonah. God had given Jonah a plan of action that he wanted him to take and Jonah thinking that he was wiser than God proceeded to run away to the land of Tarshish (his functional savior). If you don’t know the story let me give you a brief synopsis. God tells Jonah that he wants him to go to he land of Ninevah to preach to the people there and Jonah decides he doesn’t want to do that. He boards a boat head to Tarshish. Along the way a great storm arose and the men on board the ship were afraid and began throwing their cargo overboard, until Jonah said that it was his fault. Then he has the men throw him overboard and the storm calms. While in the water Jonah is swallowed by a giant fish. And lives in its belly for 3 days. After that he is spit up on the the shore and goes and does what he should have initially done.

     All of that to say when the Lord is our savior we should trust him and run to him, not away from him. He does not have plans to hurt us. While somethings may be unpleasant for us they are ultimately for our good.(Romans 8:28). So please if you feel the Lord pulling you in a particular direction do not run from him and make things harder on yourself go where he is leading it will be a blessing to you and those you are called to. I know there were times in my life I wanted to run away and not follow, it wasn’t until I got on the correct path that things started making sense. I would always run from my calling saying I couldn’t find a school to go to and earn my degree, then the Lord showed me an online school Liberty University which is where I completed my Bachelor’s in Religion and am now working on my Master’s of Divinity.

What do you need to stop running from?



Paul Horne is a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband, a father and expositor of Scripture. You can find more of Paul's writing at preachdatruth.blogspot.com

The Power of a Mentor: Following the Pattern Set Before Us.

By: Paul Horne


As a student preparing for ministry I am coming to a greater realization that having a mentor who is in ministry is vitally important. The set of verses that constantly come to mind are the words Paul wrote to Timothy in his second letter, “You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.” (2 Timothy 2:1-2, ESV) Listen to how Paul speaks to Timothy; he calls him my child, showing such a deep loving relationship. We know from human standards that a father is to teach his children how to live in all aspects of life. We need mentors the same way we need to have fathers in our lives to set the patterns for us to follow. Without them we have the tendency to go astray. 

The relationship of mentoring is not a one-way street; it is one that branches off to others. We should be learning from our disciple maker while at the same time taking what we are being taught and teaching it to other men (and women) in the faith.  In order to be in a disciple making relationship it requires work to be put in, along with time. Jesus invested his time in twelve men whom he would send out into the world to teach others. He not only sent out twelve but at one point he sent out seventy-two men two by two (Luke 10:1). The best way for us to be sent is by a man we are learning from so we can implement what is being taught.  

  

What does a mentor look like? A mentor is going to look different for each person; you may not have just one mentor in you life or at one point of time. There will be areas in life that you need to have the footsteps of someone else to follow whether it be in a hobby, in your profession, or in general guidance for your life. This person should be some type of authority on the subject; not necessarily having to have credentials but having done a what ever it is you are seeking them for a period of time with a good track record. You do not want to start following after someone or seeking their help when they have no idea how to handle the struggles you are facing because they have just started the activity themselves. 

Do you have an idea on how this association should look? It is imperative that when you enter into a formal mentoring relationship that some standards be set. The type of standards I am referring to are like how often will there be contact made, what forms of contact are best for this relationship. What kind of accountability is going to be set in place if any at all? Are you both going to keep this association merely about the mentoring/disciple making or is this going to become more of an intimate friendship where lives overlap? 

I would recommend depending on the type of commitment being made, that lives become intertwined with an at least weekly (if not several times a week) contact. It does not matter where the contact comes from be it a phone call, text message, social media interaction. And no less than once a month interaction face to face in a setting that is not sterile, but inviting conversation and allows the relationship to feel more organic and real. 

It is my hope that this work will inspire you to strengthen those relationships that are in place and to possibly form new ones. I leave you with this: who is investing in you and who has the Lord placed on you heart to invest into?



Paul Horne is a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband, a father and expositor of Scripture. You can find more of Paul's writing at preachdatruth.blogspot.com