Confessions of a Preacher Kid: Chelsea Stanton

 

 If you don't remember anything else

Remember this...

I believe your storm is over 

I believe your rain is gone away 

I believe you'll make it through it

I believe its already done

- "I believe" James Fortune   

 Lyrics that Chelsea Stanton hums and repeats to keep her grounded in faith in a secular world that is deemed unfit for the child of a Preacher. 

  The common perception of Preacher Kids is that they are symbols of perfection and because of that they are scrutinized to the 9th  degree for everything that they do whether good or bad. Your life is rightfully under the protective watch of your parents, but even more so by people who choose to 'throw stones' at any and everything you do. It is the closest thing to being a royal when you are surrounded by a tight community that looks to your family as a symbol of hopeful perfection. Such a role is a pestering honor when all the children want to do is live their lives. This is the story of Chelsea Stanton and how she broke free from the life of a Preacher Kid.

Chelsea (Right) and Sister (Left)
Photo provided by Chelsea

 Fortunately when Chelsea was growing up all of the scrutiny was coming from the outside and never within the home. Her father led a congregation while her mother ministered to small groups. Being a protective and realistic father, it was consistently reiterated to the congregation that his children are normal and they are going to make mistakes. Although that did not stop the watchful eyes in her town, Chelsea and her sister knew for a fact that their parents never expected perfection from them. As if the eyes and mouths around her were not scrutinizing enough, sometimes outsiders would react to her status negatively. 

"I think my biggest pet peeve would have to be the reaction I received from people when I told them I was a preacher's kid," Chelsea explains, " People would say 'preacher's kids are the worst' or they would tell me I was a 'goody two shoes'. That always created pressure for me. I was expected to be really bad or really good." 

These type of reactions made it harder for Chelsea to go through the normal childhood and teenage conflicts openly. Her parents did their level best to guard Chelsea and her sister from a secular childhood, by monitoring what they listened to, watched, or did outside the home; like most parents do. As she got older their actions made it harder for her to create a balance between a normal childhood and her heightened status. When peer pressure conflicts arose she would easily fall into the 'yes I can do it' trap and ended up ultimately feeling alone amongst friends because of the post-judgment of her actions.  Nevertheless she was always able to turn to her mother in a time of crisis or confusion. Her mother would pray with, but never preach to her so that the issue was always met at a mutual level of understanding. 

"Once I got a firm stance in my relationship with God, peer pressure no longer ruled over my life. I believe that because I am a Preacher's kid, the expectation for me to do well will always be higher. People are always going to expect more of me because of this label. As long as I meet the expectations of God, I don't care what people expect of me," Chelsea stated.

 

Despite the conflicts in her personal and 'preacher kid' life, at the age of 19 Chelsea was able to break free from judgmental eyes and the protective wings of her parents and pursue her dream through going to college in Atlanta, GA. It was not easy to part from her small western North Carolina town and leave her sister behind. However it was her faith that drew her away to start anew. As she grew her life in Atlanta she was consistently bombarded by normal adult life conflicts while still battling the inner conflict of not being good enough. This spiritual battle came from her childhood experiences that made her feel as if she made a mistake she disappointed her parents and worse herself. As she matured and gained more life experience she discovered that if she stayed focused on God, the feeling of not being good enough because of mistakes will not ruin her life. 

On her continuous path of discovery she made friends with people of all different faith backgrounds which strengthened her relationship with God. She values her faith even more because of the enlightenment provided by her interactions with all types of people. It is because of those interactions that she is continuing to pursue a career in criminal justice, so that she may be the spiritual warrior on the battlefield and inside the church. a When asked about her path to fulfill her dream Chelsea opened up about how our dreams and desires are truly God's plan laid out for us. 

"My dream is to raise a family to the best of my ability with the same faith-base I was raised under. I do want to pursue a career in the criminal justice field, but sometimes I believe the path God has chosen for me is ministry...no it's not just because my father is a pastor. I have always been taught as long as I am in God's plan my dreams are His desires for me. Fortunately my dreams were never criticized by outsiders and my parents fully support me in whatever I do. Even when I start to doubt my dreams my Mother always pulls me back on track," Chelsea stated.  

While Chelsea still has the stamp of Preacher's Kid, she wears it proudly in full support of her parents ministry...in her own way.  Meanwhile when the occasion calls for it she is able to have open conversations about faith to show the power of God's grace and word. The perception would be that she is preaching to crowds, but that is not nearly the case. She embraces people for who they are regardless of their backgrounds and simply shares the spirit of God without judgment. Now that she has lived her life under the microscope she is ready to show the world who she really is and offers some final words of advice for parents and children in ministry. 

Photo courtesy of Juana Larena's English Blog

 

"The best advice I could give a preacher's kid is to not give your parents a hard time. They are doing the best they can possibly do, while juggling a family and congregation. I did not come to this realization until I was older and saw how the stress of keeping both happy affected my parents. The best advice I could give Preacher parents is to not expect your children to be perfect. The more pressure you place on them, the more they are going to push back. Let them be children. Just as you weren't perfect, they are not going to be perfect either."

 

By Carmen Fletcher   

 

 



 

 

A Good Husband...worth the wait

Image courtesy of www.rawlife.com

We are often 'running out of time' when it comes to putting a ring on it. So we choose men that look good on paper and not in God's eyes.  Let's not be too hasty in our quest for everlasting love, it could damage us and create an unhealthy cycle of searching for fulfillment. We must understand what love and marriage truly is in order to be involved in it. A love formed around God does not go without difficulty, but always comes back to a place of peace.  I came across this incredible advice via email from an anonymous author that explains the reasons why we must understand the true meaning of love and marriage.

Matters Whom You Marry: 
To all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn't so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself.
A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn't know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.

If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn't a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.

The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.

2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.

Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.

3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. A man who doesn't provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn't have to carry it yourself.

Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.

Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.

Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn't selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.

Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.

4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.

You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.

5. It will impact you relation-ally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.

It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare.

Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

Written By Anonymous

Introduction and posted by Carmen Fletcher  

Brighter Day: Kirk Franklin

The love and peace of God makes life brighter. Sometimes knowing God is all we need to get by...

“Can you discover the depths of God?
  Can you discover the limits of the Almighty?
“Your life would be brighter than noonday;
  Darkness would be like the morning. -Job 11: -7 -17

The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. - Proverbs 4:18




I never knew I could be so happy, I never knew I'd be so secure because of your love life has brand new meaning. It's gonna be a brighter day...

MOTHER OF GOD: MOTHER OF YOU

Image used from theidproject.org; Mother's Day:
What makes an essential mother; Artist Kolonoj.

We are beings carved into perfection in the womb of a woman who bends, breaks, stresses, loves, fights, protects and leads us into a world unfit in her eyes to receive such a gift.  We are the beings blessed with love that awakens our spirits and makes the woman complete; a mother. Her urge to keep us close to her protective womb never ends as we grow further from her reach. Just as Mary had to let her son go on to be a leader and eventually a savior, our mothers must also let us go and be the gift to the world we were meant to be. Who are we to dishonor the wishes of a woman that transformed her very being so that she can give us life? How do we honor the spirit from which we came? 

When Mary was told by the angel that she was to receive the son of God and his name would be Jesus, she was frightened and ridiculed for her claim. She did not allow the jeers to determine the love in the womb, because she knew that God had given her a gift and welcomed it in her spirit. What if she said no? What if God chose her to be the vessel in which He would take human form and she said absolutely not out of selfish fear? What would the world be without her contribution? 

 A woman opens her heart and body to receive a soul and form a being that we know as human. Before we take our first breaths she understood the goodness and troubles that were in our spirits. In our delivery in to this place we call our earthly home, she experienced agonizing pain as a precursor to the anguishes that the world will bestow upon us. When the screams and obscenities subsided she welcomed us with a smile and said 'Hi baby' 'Hey suga' 'I love you'. Then wrapped us in the outer womb of her love and presented us to the world as her gift. The outer womb of her love grants us serenity in our strengthening heartaches that other humans or the wicked world chooses to insert in our lives. No matter how far we stray, the discipline of her womb controls how we form and transform before we reach an adult age and are birthed into the world as a complete being. 

 

Some women who are blessed to receive a gifted soul are bitter from the evils of the world and unwilling to change their spirits for the sake of their child. The pain that passes through the birth canal is their own and forms a womb of wickedness in which the child grows up to be destructive and derailed. The discipline and serenity sought from the eyes of the wandering soul we know as a child is gone without. Then they too become of the wicked world not a spirit in the form of a human being...and the cycle continues. These women cry out in oblivious wonder and rage about why their child has become of the world. Seldom is it considered that the demons the child wears outwardly are the demons that dwell in the mother; or were welcomed to be implanted in her irresponsibly. Fortunately women who are unable to experience the transition of a spirit to a human are still able to connect to the spirits seeking a womb. 

 We know these women as surrogate mothers that come in the form of aunts, grandmothers, godmothers, preachers, teachers, mentors, and more. They purposefully seek the only lasting connection that could possibly create or reestablish a protective influential womb...love. Some disregard this kind of love, because the woman did not share the special connection from birth. However that is only one phase of carrying a child. All other aspects of motherhood are embraced and implemented the moment the woman decides to accept the spirit. Let us not forget that sometimes the meaning of  mother is spelled F.A.T.H.E.R. because the one who bore the child has left voluntarily. He too creates a womb that is to replace the absence of the mother's  with strength and effectiveness. He is blessed to understand the love it takes to create such a womb and grow the child to be a better mother or father.

In these wombs the child is taught how to endure the world by example and encouragement. Once the child is ready to leave the womb they are successfully born into a new reality called independence. All that is left is the umbilical cord of love that can be tugged at any given moment for guidance and comfort. In death the physical identification of love is lost, but with every decision, hardship, and joy their love is felt by and seen in the living example of the child. When we enter the world it seems that we want to disregard parts of our upbringing that do not fit into our independence. How dare we charge our success and survival only to our spirits when so many sacrificed so that our being could stand on two feet!

When we look in the mirror what do we see? Do we only see the features borrowed from our parents that formed us? Do we see the scars left from our birth in to independence? There has to be some recognition that we are who we are because of those that wrapped us in the womb of love. We cannot charge all of our success to the world that did not embrace us initially. Our mother's, in whatever form, had to make us who we are so that the world would respect our presence. The greatest honor that we as children can give them is to be who they were unable to be or rise higher than their expectations. We owe them our lives because they sacrificed their time, their knowledge, the strength, and more wrapped up in a welcomed burden called love.   When you awaken after washing the previous worries from your heart,  dedicate the day to honoring the spirit(s) that had to bring you through and into the world.
 

I say with all the gratitude and honor in my heart that my days and continued growth are dedicated to these women who created several wombs for me to be nourished and released into the world: Susan (Mother), Jasmine (Sister), Helen (Paternal Grandmother), Carrie (Maternal Grandmother), Evelyn (Great Aunt), Eva (Great Aunt), Sheila (step-mother), Joyce (surrogate mother), Christy (surrogate mother/friend), Shawn (surrogate mother), Kimberly (surrogate mother/friend), Marcia (friend).

 

Whenever your mother is disciplining you, hear the joyful encouragement behind her tone. When the laughs are too loud and the jokes are too corny smile and know that they hold a special place in your heart. When you're discouraged remember that they worked too hard and gave so much of them in you to give up. When you're sad replay every memory to strengthen and bring you joy. When they're gone and you miss them, look to the stars and remember that they promised to hold you a place in Glory.  

We owe our success, our strength, our happiness, and our growth to our mothers no matter the form they are in. Stand with pride for the transcending and transformation of spirits of the generations before and to come.

  

 It is because the mother of God opened her spirit that we now know the love of a mother.

How will you give thanks this Mother's Day? 

Please shout out the name of the mother(s) you cherish below.

By Carmen Fletcher