Broken and Blessed: Marcus' Success Story

Photo by Marcus Fletcher, 12, Trip to France

We live in a world that has broken the mold of a traditional family caused by divorce, death, and irresponsibility usually leaving the child rearing only to the mother. While some single mothers are praised for their efforts, the statistics about children being raised in single parent homes shadow their strength stating: 75% become chemically dependent, 63% are suicidal, many will be incarcerated at one point in their lives, and do poorly in their education or have learning disabilities. Who comes up with these condemning numbers? Do they not know who God is? Many are able to rise above these mere numbers and show the world that all that matters is love. That’s exactly what Marcus Fletcher has done with God on his left shoulder, his mother on the right, and host of family and friends that have his back. Marcus opens up in a humble and candid interview about his life as a normal child being raised by a phenomenal single mother.

Marcus and his mother at the Maryland State Championship Game

Marcus showed great signs of intelligence at a very early age, in his diction and attempted negotiations with his mother when he really wanted something. Before and now at 12-years-old, he has wowed teachers and principals by excelling in classes two years ahead of his grade level. Additionally he was MVP on his football team two years in a row and led his team to the state championship in Baltimore, MD. He also has a passion for baseball and plays the cello.  His mother did not just pat him on the back for encouragement and send him on his way. She was a listening ear for his problems, a tutor when he needed help, and still remains the head Team Mom while running down the field and cheering him on in her heels; even after a long day at work. Despite being parented by a single mother and all his success and praise from his family, Marcus does not view himself as anything more than a normal blessed child. 

“I think people see me as being a nice, smart, and interesting person. My friends have always treated me the same as everyone else and have always been nice to my Mom. I have done my best and I feel blessed. I think everyone deserves to be blessed if they believe in God and live right,” Marcus stated.

Marcus is a direct reflection of the love from those around him as seen in his ambition, generosity, and kindness. Whenever anyone would travel outside the country his question was always ‘Will you take me with you?’. Even though he could not speak the language he was ready to experience more of the world and seek eye opening adventures.  His gumption never ceases as he easily rattles off potential colleges that include: Columbia University, Syracuse University, University of Hawaii, and University of Miami. In most cases there is not a male figure in a single mother home, but Marcus has been blessed with several which include:  his grandfathers, family friends, and coaches that all guide him through the obstacles of becoming a man. Marcus recently decided to commit to his spiritual connection to God through baptism, which was a decision that his mother allowed him to make so he could form and not be taught his relationship with God. 

“I think it’s important to have a strong relationship with God. My Mom taught me that all my gifts are from God so I need to know how to pray for myself and for others so I can still be blessed,” Marcus said in response to why he chose to be baptized. “My Mom is my biggest support and she always talks about me reaching my all my goals. She said she wants me to dream big and go for it, because I deserve it. I want to both be an architect and a businessman and own my own [restaurant franchise].” 

 

Marcus, 10, Fifth Grade Graduation

Marcus’ dreams are big indeed! Most children his age, regardless of their living environment, often think of how to become the next great mind and millionaire. That option is not disregarded for Marcus; however his focus is on how he can better his community and himself. His mother has had the pleasure of taking him to work with her during the national Take Your Child to Work Day at the Department of Education. During his visits over the last three years he has left the Commissioner and most recently the NAGB (National Assessment Governing Board) staff astonished by his diction and ideas about how to better the United States education system. During this last visit he shared his eye-opening experience about his recent advance French class trip to France as well as his career aspirations and suggestions to the board. Because of his experience and honest opinion, he is currently being considered for a possible opportunity to be an advocate for the importance of minority education. As always his mother stood proudly beside him in revered awe of her child and watched as others witnessed the light within him. Marcus was asked what he would change in his life and the world if he could do it right now his plans for his family in the future.

“I would love to travel more. I had a great time in France with my class. But that would be the only thing I would change, because my life made me who I am today. I’m happy with who I am. When I get my CEO job, I want to buy my Mom a big house if we don’t already have one and make sure she is taken care of, like she took care of me. And I also want to make sure that my family has enough money too. I could change anything in the world it would be to have a better economy and less violence, especially against kids,” Marcus stated.  

We often applaud the successful actor, athlete, businessman, entertainers, or millionaire that was raised by a single parent in the news and social media to prove that it is possible to come out top. Meanwhile those that are still in their upbringing are sidelined with incorrect assumptions. If the child is not in the lime light, it is easy to condemn a single mother and the child because of those numbers. Marcus and many others show us that although it may look broken from the outside, upon a closer look the nontraditional family is a blessed family. Regardless of all the outside praise, Marcus states what he wants to be remembered for.

“My kindness, generosity, and accomplishments.”

Photo by Carmen Fletcher, Marcus 8.

Marcus is and will always be an inspiration to me to always get up and try again and/or do it better. There is no excuse not to try when he has been able to shine through whatever darkness others may put around him.  Many have been able to witness and applaud how powerful his love, drive, kindness, humility, and humor is. To be honest I just feel lucky enough to be his aunt, so I can imagine how his mother feels. I dedicate this testimony to my nephew Marcus, my beacon of hope.

By Carmen Fletcher

 

Confessions of a Preacher Kid: Chelsea Stanton

 

 If you don't remember anything else

Remember this...

I believe your storm is over 

I believe your rain is gone away 

I believe you'll make it through it

I believe its already done

- "I believe" James Fortune   

 Lyrics that Chelsea Stanton hums and repeats to keep her grounded in faith in a secular world that is deemed unfit for the child of a Preacher. 

  The common perception of Preacher Kids is that they are symbols of perfection and because of that they are scrutinized to the 9th  degree for everything that they do whether good or bad. Your life is rightfully under the protective watch of your parents, but even more so by people who choose to 'throw stones' at any and everything you do. It is the closest thing to being a royal when you are surrounded by a tight community that looks to your family as a symbol of hopeful perfection. Such a role is a pestering honor when all the children want to do is live their lives. This is the story of Chelsea Stanton and how she broke free from the life of a Preacher Kid.

Chelsea (Right) and Sister (Left)
Photo provided by Chelsea

 Fortunately when Chelsea was growing up all of the scrutiny was coming from the outside and never within the home. Her father led a congregation while her mother ministered to small groups. Being a protective and realistic father, it was consistently reiterated to the congregation that his children are normal and they are going to make mistakes. Although that did not stop the watchful eyes in her town, Chelsea and her sister knew for a fact that their parents never expected perfection from them. As if the eyes and mouths around her were not scrutinizing enough, sometimes outsiders would react to her status negatively. 

"I think my biggest pet peeve would have to be the reaction I received from people when I told them I was a preacher's kid," Chelsea explains, " People would say 'preacher's kids are the worst' or they would tell me I was a 'goody two shoes'. That always created pressure for me. I was expected to be really bad or really good." 

These type of reactions made it harder for Chelsea to go through the normal childhood and teenage conflicts openly. Her parents did their level best to guard Chelsea and her sister from a secular childhood, by monitoring what they listened to, watched, or did outside the home; like most parents do. As she got older their actions made it harder for her to create a balance between a normal childhood and her heightened status. When peer pressure conflicts arose she would easily fall into the 'yes I can do it' trap and ended up ultimately feeling alone amongst friends because of the post-judgment of her actions.  Nevertheless she was always able to turn to her mother in a time of crisis or confusion. Her mother would pray with, but never preach to her so that the issue was always met at a mutual level of understanding. 

"Once I got a firm stance in my relationship with God, peer pressure no longer ruled over my life. I believe that because I am a Preacher's kid, the expectation for me to do well will always be higher. People are always going to expect more of me because of this label. As long as I meet the expectations of God, I don't care what people expect of me," Chelsea stated.

 

Despite the conflicts in her personal and 'preacher kid' life, at the age of 19 Chelsea was able to break free from judgmental eyes and the protective wings of her parents and pursue her dream through going to college in Atlanta, GA. It was not easy to part from her small western North Carolina town and leave her sister behind. However it was her faith that drew her away to start anew. As she grew her life in Atlanta she was consistently bombarded by normal adult life conflicts while still battling the inner conflict of not being good enough. This spiritual battle came from her childhood experiences that made her feel as if she made a mistake she disappointed her parents and worse herself. As she matured and gained more life experience she discovered that if she stayed focused on God, the feeling of not being good enough because of mistakes will not ruin her life. 

On her continuous path of discovery she made friends with people of all different faith backgrounds which strengthened her relationship with God. She values her faith even more because of the enlightenment provided by her interactions with all types of people. It is because of those interactions that she is continuing to pursue a career in criminal justice, so that she may be the spiritual warrior on the battlefield and inside the church. a When asked about her path to fulfill her dream Chelsea opened up about how our dreams and desires are truly God's plan laid out for us. 

"My dream is to raise a family to the best of my ability with the same faith-base I was raised under. I do want to pursue a career in the criminal justice field, but sometimes I believe the path God has chosen for me is ministry...no it's not just because my father is a pastor. I have always been taught as long as I am in God's plan my dreams are His desires for me. Fortunately my dreams were never criticized by outsiders and my parents fully support me in whatever I do. Even when I start to doubt my dreams my Mother always pulls me back on track," Chelsea stated.  

While Chelsea still has the stamp of Preacher's Kid, she wears it proudly in full support of her parents ministry...in her own way.  Meanwhile when the occasion calls for it she is able to have open conversations about faith to show the power of God's grace and word. The perception would be that she is preaching to crowds, but that is not nearly the case. She embraces people for who they are regardless of their backgrounds and simply shares the spirit of God without judgment. Now that she has lived her life under the microscope she is ready to show the world who she really is and offers some final words of advice for parents and children in ministry. 

Photo courtesy of Juana Larena's English Blog

 

"The best advice I could give a preacher's kid is to not give your parents a hard time. They are doing the best they can possibly do, while juggling a family and congregation. I did not come to this realization until I was older and saw how the stress of keeping both happy affected my parents. The best advice I could give Preacher parents is to not expect your children to be perfect. The more pressure you place on them, the more they are going to push back. Let them be children. Just as you weren't perfect, they are not going to be perfect either."

 

By Carmen Fletcher   

 

 



 

 

A Good Husband...worth the wait

Image courtesy of www.rawlife.com

We are often 'running out of time' when it comes to putting a ring on it. So we choose men that look good on paper and not in God's eyes.  Let's not be too hasty in our quest for everlasting love, it could damage us and create an unhealthy cycle of searching for fulfillment. We must understand what love and marriage truly is in order to be involved in it. A love formed around God does not go without difficulty, but always comes back to a place of peace.  I came across this incredible advice via email from an anonymous author that explains the reasons why we must understand the true meaning of love and marriage.

Matters Whom You Marry: 
To all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn't so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself.
A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn't know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.

If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn't a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.

The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.

2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.

Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.

3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. A man who doesn't provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn't have to carry it yourself.

Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.

Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.

Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn't selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.

Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.

4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.

You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.

5. It will impact you relation-ally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.

It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare.

Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

Written By Anonymous

Introduction and posted by Carmen Fletcher  

Brighter Day: Kirk Franklin

The love and peace of God makes life brighter. Sometimes knowing God is all we need to get by...

“Can you discover the depths of God?
  Can you discover the limits of the Almighty?
“Your life would be brighter than noonday;
  Darkness would be like the morning. -Job 11: -7 -17

The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. - Proverbs 4:18




I never knew I could be so happy, I never knew I'd be so secure because of your love life has brand new meaning. It's gonna be a brighter day...